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Navigating Change with Ease
My coworker, Dina, was also my neighbor, living in the subdivision just down the road from mine. One day, Dina asked which route I took to get to work.
“I take the expressway,” I told her.
Dina frowned. “The interstate is a much better route,” she said. She went on to list all the ways the interstate was superior to the expressway.
So, the next morning, I steered left toward the interstate. My commute was so uncomfortable that the following day, I returned to my old, familiar route.
Why was I so resistant to changing something as insignificant as my commute?
What behaviors are automatic for you? Do you start and end every day the same way? Perhaps, like me, you follow the same route to work. Maybe you always reach for the same brand of paper towels at the grocery store or always order the same dish at your favorite restaurant.
After all, you reason, I've gotten it before, and I know that I like it.
If it feels disquieting when you deviate from an established routine, you are not alone. This is our human biology at work.
We should all feel grateful for the human survival instinct. After all, you wouldn't be reading this article right now without it. But this invaluable aspect of our biology can sometimes interfere when we want to change established patterns of behavior.
Our survival instinct prefers familiar behaviors because the outcome is predictable.
Been there. Done that. Still alive.
Engaging in a new behavior, however, introduces uncertainty. Our survival instinct may respond with questions like, “What is happening? Is this safe? Are you sure you want to do this?”
If you've tried to make changes in the past only to find yourself reverting to your old ways, you may have been up against a brain that prefers familiarity and predictability. The same instinct that helped humans survive in an uncertain wilderness can sometimes keep us stuck when we're pursuing personal growth.
Set the Intention to Change
So, is there something you've been wanting to try, but some internal resistance is holding you back?
Perhaps you want to travel or take up a new hobby. Maybe it's something health-related, like joining a gym or giving up smoking. Or it could be as simple as changing your hairstyle or taking a different route to work.
It’s best to focus on one change at a time. Tackling multiple goals simultaneously dilutes your effectiveness. Write down your objective in the form of an intention; for example, “I intend to take a yoga class at the gym on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.”
Avoid vague language such as “I intend to work out more often.” The more specific you are the better you can assess your progress.
Know Your Whys
Clarify your reasons for wanting to change in writing so you can refer back to them when inevitable setbacks occur. Goals that someone else goaded us to into are too flimsy to withstand the headwinds of our biological resistance to change. Strong internal motivation, however, is the wind beneath our wings when we feel tempted to fall back into old habits.
I failed to eliminate my nightly glass (or two) of wine after reading an article about the general health risks of alcohol. It was only after learning about the specific impact of alcohol on my liver, that I managed to successfully resist the temptation to imbibe.
It’s been over a year since my last drink. Sometimes a warm summer evening elicits memories of a crisp sauvignon blanc, but then I remember how much I value my liver and the memory fades.
Imagine It
Whether you want to shift a particular pattern of behavior or simply become more receptive to trying new things, the key is to reassure your brain that change is safe.
Visualization can be a powerful tool because imagining an experience can activate many of the same brain regions involved when we actually experience it.
Choose a time when you can be peaceful and relaxed. Take about two minutes to breathe slowly and deeply. Then close your eyes and imagine yourself engaging in the behavior you want to adopt.
Make your daydream as realistic and detailed as possible. What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you see?
Most importantly, how do you feel?
Joyful? Courageous? Confident?
Allow those emotions to surge through your body as you imagine yourself successfully engaging in this new behavior.
In a sense, you are giving your brain a preview of the experience. Instead of encountering the behavior as something completely unfamiliar, you're creating a mental experience of having already done it successfully.
In his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, Joe Dispenza describes using visualization to overcome animosity toward his mother-in-law. He imagined them engaged in pleasant conversation and enjoying each other's company. Their relationship improved enough that he no longer dreaded spending time with her.
(If you've read my book, you'll understand why I wish I had encountered Dr. Joe's work earlier than I did.)
Add Some Tapping
Another technique is tapping, which involves stimulating specific acupressure points on the body with the fingertips. Tapping is used in several energy psychology approaches and is often paired with focused thoughts, emotions, or imagery.
Pairing tapping with visualization can be a useful way to practice approaching change while helping yourself feel calmer and more receptive.
Are you ready to give it a try?
I've created a short tapping sequence for you designed to encourage receptivity to change. The script is generic, so as you follow along, keep in mind the specific change you want to bring into your life.
Work With Your Resistance
As I say in my book, “The difference between those who achieve their wellness goals and those who don’t is their readiness for change.”
Our resistance to change isn't the enemy. It's an integral part of our biology that has helped keep us safe for thousands of years.
Instead of trying to overpower that resistance, we can learn to work with it.
We can reassure ourselves that trying something new doesn't necessarily mean we're in danger. We can imagine the change before we make it. And we can use tools like visualization and tapping to help create a sense of safety as we step outside our familiar routines.
Transformation doesn't begin by forcing ourselves to change. It begins by gently showing ourselves that change is safe.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
And if you're wondering whether I ever learned to prefer the interstate...the answer was no until the expressway toll increased giving me a powerful motivation to change.
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